Monday, July 7, 2008

Responding to Lauren (and apparently Ruth)

I just read Lauren's blog, which was a response to another blog about age. It makes some very interesting points that I have thought about and discussed with friends.

*At what point do you become an adult?
*At what point do you feel like an adult?

Who hasn't thought about these things, really? I know I certainly feel like an adult when I am doing the pay-all-of-your-bills-on-time dance, but I feel far from it when I sit at my desk wondering how I got into this job I can't wrap my brain around. Coming home and cooking dinner for my husband is pretty adult, by most standards, but sitting around watching TV while a mess stacks up in the entire (impossibly-small) apartment definitely reminds me of younger days (i.e. college). And no, in direct response to Lauren's blog, being married does not mean I am suddenly or completely grown up. I kind of wish it did, even though a lot of "grown up" stuff sucks, like bills and the like.

Honestly, this feeling of not being "old enough" is one reason I am not emotionally ready to have kids. Also, I don't feel financially stable enough to be responsible for another persons' needs. I'm just being honest. There are so many great couples at our church who should be in our age bracket socially, but they have kids, so there is some "great divide" in our social activities and availabilities. Our song leader and his wife are basically my age (or at least between mine and Brad's) and they have two kids! I am so happy for them, but I cannot imagine it for myself! Not yet, at least. Brad and I will be so blessed and happy when God gives us children, but there is nooooooo rush on my part. And I trust that, when we do get pregnant, it will mean that God knows we are ready, so I will trust him. I just hope he agrees with me that we are not quite there yet.

I ask myself if there is a switch, too, but who knows? I think there is one, but it gets flipped on and off constantly. I am thankful for that, in a way, because sometimes growing up is really scary, so it is nice to have juvenile reprieve!

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