Thursday, July 31, 2008

Reckless Honesty

I found an article that spells out my feelings on what I call 'unnecessary honesty'. PLEASE do not misunderstand me. Obviously honesty is important and necessary (and the best policy), but there is a line between things that should and should not be said, especially in relationships. The article described the most common mistakes in dating and marriage; as number 5, he listed "reckless honesty".

"Honesty's a great thing in general, but it's really overrated at certain times. Cases in point: You don't actually want to hear that your dress makes you look heavy, and he could live without knowing that your number of ex-lovers is in the double digits. "Couples make the mistake of thinking that they have to learn everything about each other and share all their thoughts and have no secrets, but that's simply not true,"says Stephens. "I call it reckless honesty when you're revealing stuff that doesn't have a constructive purpose and will do more harm than good." And believe it or not, that includes your frustrations with each other. "Not all annoyances need to be addressed and dissected," says Goldsmith. "Sometimes, bringing up a small temporary pet peeve will only serve to insult and offend your partner; it's often best to try to deal." So you hate his new sweater - whatever. He'll get sick of it eventually. Really, just think about the greater good: a happy union where you get each other but not every teeny thing about each other."

I have never been able to explain it very eloquently, but I feel the same way. I'm not saying that you should keep secrets from those you love, I'm just suggesting that not every fact is worth mentioning and that some are insignificant enough to leave out.

Can't we all think of a time that someone told us something and we thought, "Really? Did you need to say that to me?!"

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