Name That Tune
I finally watched Crash this weekend (I ordered it online two months ago, and it has been sitting by my DVD player, lonely...) A good movie, certainly intense and very pointed. But the whole time, the seriousness of it was tainted by the song that kept running through my head. And now, said aforementioned song:
Everyone's a Little Bit Racist
Princeton:Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?
Princeton:Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?
Kate Monster:Uh huh.
Princeton:Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.
Princeton:You're both Monsters.
Princeton:Are you two related?
Kate Monster:What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!
Princeton:Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!
Kate Monster:Well, it's a touchy subject. No, not all Monsters are related. What are you trying say, huh? That we all look the same to you? Huh, huh, huh?
Princeton:No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist.
Kate Monster:I should say so. You should be much more careful when you're talking about thesensitive subject of race.
Princeton:Well, look who's talking!
Kate Monster:What do you mean?
Princeton:What about that special Monster School you told me about?
Kate Monster:What about it?
Princeton:Could someone like me go there?
Kate Monster:No, we don't want people like you-
Princeton:You see?!You're a little bit racist.
Kate Monster:Well, you're a little bit too.
Princeton:I guess we're both a little bit racist.
Kate Monster:Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...
Princeton:But I guess it's true.
Kate Monster:Between me and you, I think
Both:Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes. Doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes. Look around and you will find no one's really color blind. Maybe it's a fact we all should face. Everyone makes judgments based on race.
Princeton:Now not big judgments, like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from -
Princeton:No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!
Both:Everyone's a little bit racist today. So, everyone's a little bit racist, okay! Ethinic jokes might be uncouth, but you laugh because they're based on truth. Don't take them as personal attacks. Everyone enjoys them - So relax!
Princeton:All right, stop me if you've heard this one.
Princeton:There's a plan going down and there's only one paracute. And there's a rabbi, a priest...
Kate Monster:And a black guy!
Gary Coleman:Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?
Gary Coleman:You were telling a black joke!
Princeton:Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes.
Gary Coleman:I don't.
Princeton:Well, of course you don't - you're black! But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?
Gary Coleman:Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks!
Princeton:Now, don't you think that's a little racist?
Gary Coleman:Well, damn, I guess you're right.
Kate Monster:You're a little bit racist.
Gary Coleman:Well, you're a little bit too.
Princeton:We're all a little bit racist.
Gary Coleman:I think that I wouldHave to agree with you.
Princeton/Kate Monster:We're glad you do.
Gary Coleman:It's sad but true! Everyone's a little bit racist -All right!
Kate Monster:All right!
Gary Coleman:All right! Bigotry has never been exclusively white
All:If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit, even though we all know that it's wrong, maybe it would help us get along.
Princeton:Oh, Christ do I feel good.
Gary Coleman:Now there was a fine upstanding black man!
Gary Coleman:Jesus Christ.
Kate Monster:But, Gary, Jesus was white.
Gary Coleman:No, Jesus was black.
Kate Monster:No, Jesus was white.
Gary Coleman:No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-
Princeton:Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!
Brian:Hey guys, what are you laughing about?
Christmas Eve:BRIAN! Come back here! You take out lecycuraburs!
Princeton:What's that mean?
Brian:Um, recyclables. Hey, don't laugh at her! How many languages do you speak?
Kate Monster:Oh, come off it, Brian! Everyone's a little bit racist.
Brian:Nope! How many Oriental wives have you got?
Christmas Eve:What? Blian!
Princeton:Brian, buddy, where you been? The term is Asian-American!
Christmas Eve:I know you are no intending to be, but calling me Olientar - offensive to me!
Brian:I'm sorry, honey, I love you.
Christmas Eve:And I ruv you.
Brian: But you're racist, too.
Christmas Eve:Yes, I know. The Jews have all the money and the whites have all the power. And I'm always in taxi-cab with driver who no shower!
Kate Monster:Me too!
Gary Coleman:I can't even get a taxi!
All:Everyone's a little bit racist it's true. But everyone is just about as racist as you!If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit, and everyone stopped being so P.C. Maybe we could live in - Harmony!
Christmas Eve:Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!